


Raising Crew Morale

by Magik3



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:25:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10550812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magik3/pseuds/Magik3
Summary: The crew of the Tempest is sitting around post-meeting and conversation turns to sex. There's a lot of speculation and some interesting reveals about different species sexual practices. Ryder contemplates who will be hooking up later.





	

**Author's Note:**

> There's no actual sex; don't be disappointed. Much sex is hypothesized.

We were all sitting around the meeting room, having just finished another “what planet shall we slog through next?” conversation. The whole crew was there except Kallo, down at the helm. Cora wandered off when the official business was done, but nobody else seemed to want to leave.  
  
I was about to suggest poker when Peebee got us started on a much more interesting topic. Jaal caught her staring at him and asked why. In her nonchalant tone that passes for her normal speaking voice, she said, “Oh, I’m just wondering if an Angaran could have sex with a human.”  
  
“Why not an Asari?” he asked.  
  
“Because we can have sex with anyone,” she said. “No challenge there.”  
  
“How?”  
  
“Buy me a drink sometime and maybe I’ll show you.”  
  
“They do it with their _minds_ ,” Suvi said, tapping the side of her skull. With her deeply sexy Scottish accent, the gesture looked provocative.  
  
Jaal appeared no less puzzled than he had a minute ago. “I don’t think I want to know,” he said.  
  
“You know,” Liam mused, “Some of your Angaran women are attractive, for giant cats.”  
  
“Our … women?” Jaal asked.  
  
“You know, females of your species,” Liam said.  
  
“We don’t have females,” Jaal told him.  
  
“Yeah you do, I’ve seen them. Little bit smaller, pretty.”  
  
“Those are our elders.”  
  
“Oooh I love a good translation problem,” Peebee said. “Go on. In most species females produce large gametes and sometimes gestate the young. Do your elders not do this?”  
  
“No, they’re non-reproductive.”  
  
“Who reproduces?” Peebee asked.  
  
“Adults,” Jaal said. “We have three life stages: emergent, adult, elder. Elders are slightly smaller than adults, but stronger, faster because they must take care of the community while adults primarily attend to their famillies.”  
  
“So adults reproduce with each other?” Peebee asked. “Do you only have one sex?”  
  
Jaal was slowly shaking his head at her. “How do you mean ‘with?’”  
  
“If you wanted to have children, what would you do?” Suvi asked.  
  
“I would produce spores,” Jaal said, like that was obvious. “How do you do it?”  
  
“SAM, can you send him an example?” I asked, because this was going to be much faster if he just saw it. Not that I didn’t want to see Suvi pantomime human sex.  
  
“Yes, Pathfinder,” SAM answered.  
  
A moment passed while SAM transferred a video file and Jaal focused on it in his monocle. Then he leapt up, waving his hands in front of his face. “Ah! By all the Creators, you do that?! One of you puts a part _inside_ the other? How intrusive! How … how impolite!”  
  
“It feels _very_ nice,” Suvi said.  
  
“Oh that’s awful. Don’t show the other Angara, it would … ugh. Aliens. What do you call that part you put in?”  
  
“Penis,” SAM offered and I heard more than a hint of humor in his tone.  
  
“The penis, how many of you have that?” Jaal asked, still standing and backing away from the lot of us.  
  
Liam and Gil each raised a hand. Drack said, “I’ve got two.”  
  
“What’s the second one for?” Suvi asked him.  
  
“You ever seen a female Krogan naked? You’d know," he said. Suvi kept staring at him and he added, in a low, grumbling tone, “It’s for keeping her happy while the first one does its job.”  
  
“I am moving my sleeping quarters,” Jaal announced. He’d reached the wall and leaned back against it.  
  
“Switch with Liam and bunk in the room across from me,” Vetra said. “All my genitals are internal and nothing goes into anyone else. Plus I find you visually off-putting.”  
  
“Thank you,” Jaal told her, with utter sincerity.  
  
Vetra harumphed and went back to whatever she’d been reading on her screen.  
  
“How do you all get it on with all that exoskeleton?” Suvi asked, waving to indicate both Vetra and Drack.  
  
But it was Peebee who answered, “You haven’t lived until you’ve rubbed your soft, naked, fleshy body against an exoskeleton.”  
  
“Uhm,” Suvi replied, but she looked like she was considering it.  
  
“There will be no flesh-rubbing on my exoskeleton,” Drack growled. “And none of whatever you are.” He pointed at Jaal.  
  
I’d been watching, trying to figure out who was hooking up with whom later. They’d wait until enough time had passed, sure, but this conversation was bound to end in friendly experimentation.  
  
My first best was on Vetra and Suvi. Suvi seemed deeply interested in that whole exoskeleton situation and I felt fairly sure Vetra hadn’t been getting any action on the Nexus. They were both the settling down type so if they hooked up, my chances with either of them was nil.  
  
Liam liked Cora, but she found him irritating at best. No depth—that was her main complaint. So, leaving Liam aside for a moment, would Gil be brave enough to try to Drack’s two penises? I really wanted him to. And I really wanted to be there when he did. Just to watch. But as Pathfinder I probably shouldn’t get them both drunk. Besides, Drack could drink more liquor than I could afford.  
  
Gil and Drack maybe. So then Liam with Peebee? He seemed a little afraid of her. I also had a sneaking suspicion that all of Peebee and Lexi’s griping covered a smoldering Asari fling. I’d almost caught them literally playing doctor in the med bay, but it was hard to tell with all Lexi’s equipment. Still, there was no reason to use that probe for a routine checkup.  
  
Peebee didn’t seem all that monogamous. And if Lexi could get over her doctor-patient thing, maybe Liam would find himself in the middle of an Asari sandwich. Come to think of it, that’s where I wanted to be too. I liked Liam well enough, maybe we could swing a foursome. Well, five if you counted SAM. Knowing Dad, he’d have programmed in a way for SAM to get off.  
  
If Jaal got too lonely, or even homesick, he’d probably end up sporing, or whatever, with the plants in the bio lab, which meant he’d eventually end up with Cora. No way a hot, deep-voiced cat-fern-man wandered around aroused in her domain without her hopping on that action. Should I warn her about the “impolite” thing so she could start thinking of ways around it? Yes, I should.  
  
And that left Kallo, who I’m pretty sure was having regular sex with the Tempest itself.  
  
All right, crew morale was going to be at a high level the next few days, now to slip away with Peebee and work out how to have some fiveway Asari mindsex.


End file.
